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~Forever, Haley~

I found the novel I started working on years ago.  I would love some opinions on it, but remember...It's old, it's rough, and I was much younger when I wrote it.  It needs help, lol.

Here's the first part!  Constructive criticism appreciated :)


Forever Haley
Chapter 1


"Dear Mickey,

     My name is Haley, and I am your biggest fan.  I hope this is not too forward of me,
but I felt it only fair to warn you that your life is about to change.  Ever since I saw your
first movie, I have known in my heart that we belong together.  Being raised to know
that if you want something, you have to go and get it....here I come.


     After the initial wave of laughter quieted down, the comments started.  "Thanks for sharing that little piece of fan mail with us, Mickey!" said one brother.  "Yeah, and maybe it IS time you settled down,"  stated the second.

     Even though he knew it would come to this, Mickey let them see the letter.  Since all three brothers were actors, there was a lot of fan mail.  Usually, the fans wrote as though they were speaking to a god.  He wondered what kind of woman would be so bold.  Probably the kind he usually found himself dating...the kind after his fame and money.  That must be it!  He was surprised everyday that his brothers, both older than him, had such happy relationships.  Nick and Evan were lucky, but Mickey knew that marriage was not in his future.  He would just stay his happy-go-lucky self and when he needed family time, he could always visit his brothers' homes.   They had always been close, so he would never truly be alone.

     Evan was thinking along the same lines, almost.  Being the eldest of the three brothers, he had always felt responsible for Nick and Mickey.  He had had the devil of a time getting Nick to see reason when it came to Tanya.  Yes, Nick had been stubborn, but not cynical like Mickey.  At twenty-seven years old, Mickey was still dating the wrong types, and didn't believe in love.  This seemed strange, since their parents were extremely happy and always had been, through thirty-seven years of marriage.  Evan knew that Mickey had a lot of family and would never be a lone, but that did not mean that he would not be lonely.  A man needs someone to talk to, someone to share his dreams with, and most of all, someone to share the joy of raising a family with.  Maybe this Haley was just what his brother needed.  Evan had to admit, she did have nerve.  For some reason, he felt as though she had been sincere in her letter--not just some crazy fanatic.  There was real feeling in her letter.  She had been serious.  He decided that he would help her.  His brother would never meet her on his own.

     Nick could see the wheels turning in his older brothers head, and he knew Mickey was in trouble.  Evan would have married Tanya as his proxy if that was what it would have taken to get them hitched.  Now, Nick and Tanya were deliriously happy and expecting their first child, but it had not always been easy.  He had been scared as hell when he fell in love.  After facing that, making the commitment was not that hard.  He had been no match for Tanya and Evan.  Look out Mickey!


     Haley was just stepping out of the shower when the phone rang.  "Hello, McLain residence," she said.

     "Miss McLain, this is Evan Rowen.  I hope I'm not calling at an inconvenient time."

     Haley stopped toweling her hair.  For a moment she was speechless and her bottom jaw dropped.  Evan Rowen--Mickey Rowan's oldest brother!  Had he gotten the letter by mistake?

     "Hello?  Miss McLain?"  Evan wondered if they had lost the line connection.

     "Yes, I'm here.  Can I help you?"  She was barely able to get the words to come out.

     "Well, this doesn't sound like the ambitious woman who wrote my brother.  Perhaps I've reached the wrong Haley McLain."  He knew he had not, but wanted to see how she would handle a little teasing.

     Haley relaxed, "So, You didn't get the letter by mistake.  Thank Goodness!  I was nervous there for a minute, but why are you calling me?"

     "Boy, Miss McLain, you sure know how to hurt a guys ego!"

     "OH, No offense meant," she said apologetically, "and please, call me Haley."

     "Wonder, and you can call me Evan."  Down to business he though.  "Now, I was wondering if you would have lunch with me.  I'd like to speak to you about your letter to my brother."

     "Certainly!"  Haley did not hesitate.  If she could get Mickey's brother on her side, it would be a lot easier to get close to him.

     "Great!"  Evan replied.  "I'll be staying at the Hillshire Inn.  The limo will pick you up around noon tomorrow."

     "See you then," she said.  With that, they both hung up.


   At age twenty-five, Haley McLain had fought to get where she was and knew exactly where she wanted to go.  Because of her good looks, people never took her seriously, until they got to know her.  Her parents had raised her to believe that knowledge was power, so she had studied hard to obtain the intelligence to get what she wanted out of life.  She earned her Bachelor's degree in marketing and then got hired on at a large advertising company as an ad executive.  She knew she would apply her knowledge to opening her own company inthe futures, but right now, she was successful and happy working and learning the ins-and-outs of the advertising world.

     Haley had dated quite a bit since she had been out of high school, but nothing serious.  Men were always more than willing to ask her out when they saw her petite body, with curves in all the right places.  She had a nicely shaped face and a small nose, complete with freckles.  Then there was her hair...it looked more like a lions mane.  It was thick, golden, long and wild.  It drove her crazy at times, but men seemed to love it.  Men would see her, fall all over themselves asking her out, then get scared off when they found out how intelligent she was.

     When Haley was a teenager, she had asked her mom how she had known that she would be happy married to her dad.  Her mom had smiled and said, "That's easy.  The first time I saw him, it felt like fireworks going off all over my body.  The hard part was trying to convince HIM that we belonged together," she laughed. 

     Nothing like that had ever happened to Haley.  Then she had seen Mickey Rowned on the big screen.  It happened exactly as her mom had described it.  Then she had a hard time trying to decide exactly how to meet him and get him interested.  Since he was famous, it was not going to be easy.  She had decided to write him and see what happened. Now she was Thrilled!  Tomorrow, she would be having lunch with his brother.  Things were going great!

     When the limo arrived exactly at noon, Haley was ready and waiting.  She was very punctual.  had had picked out one of her best blazer and skirt combos.  It was powder blue to match her aqua colored eyes.  The same eyes she had applied cream on, to lighten the dark circles.  She hated to admit it, but all night there had been a battle between excitement and nervousness, instead of sleep.  Even so, she was not tired, she had just looked it this morning.  On the contrary, she was full of energy as she slipped into the limo.  It was their own personal limousine.  There were no company labels on the interior or on the bar.  They arrived at the hotel before she had had time to get too comfortable.  She was escorted to the hotel restaurant, where she spotted Evan Rowen immediately.  He was almost as handsome as his brother, but a few years older.  He stood up as she walked to the table.

     "Miss McLain," he greeted.

     "Haley, please, and you're Evan.  Nice to meet you." 

     He pulled a chair out for her, then sat back down.  "would you like a drink before we order, Haley?"

     That was exactly what she wanted to calm her nerves.  "Yes, that'd be wonderful."  Then like magic, the waiter appeared.

     "Two white wines, Please," Evan said, then turned his attention to her again.

     "For starters, tell me something," Haley said.  "I know what you look like from your movies, but how did you know what I looked like?"

     "Well, I guess I should apologize, but I had a detective do a little checking on you, before I called yesterday.  I hope you understand, but it was necessary.  I felt your letter was sincere, and I had to make sure."

     "Haley smiled.  Since he had called, that meant he had decided that she was not a nut case.  One problem out of the way.  Out of curiosity she asked, "And did I pass the requirements to meet your brother?"

     He had still had his doubts when he had phoned, but his instinct had told him that she was a real class act, after just a few minutes with her, and his instincts had never steered him wrong before.  "As a matter of fact," he said, " I think you'd be magnificent for my brother.  We're here to decide how to go about this and you'll need my help.  Mickey's a little stubborn."  Boy, THAT was an understatement, Evan thought.  With the preliminaries out of the way, they had lunch and put their heads together.


OK, that's it...Chapter 1!  What do you guys think?  Do you like the characters?  Are they believable?  Does the plot interest you or is it too sappy?  Do you want to know what happens next?  Will you be sad if you never hear from these characters again?  Are you dying to know how Evan and Haley wrangle Mickey in?  Are you interested in learning more about Mickey?  Did it bore you to tears and you wish you had never heard of the Rowans or Haley McLain???   Tell me, tell me....I want to know!  :)